Mind, Body And Soul

      

This morning I had an attack that was stress related. For a hour, I laid curled on my couch - heaving with exhaustion. I did not know whether I was capable of carrying my own weight anymore. A part of me attempted to calm down my brain, and comfort the sorrow the greater me felt. 

For some time now, I have felt confused of where to start - or continue. A few hiccups within the past two years have left part of my life in shambles. But as mentioned the day before, I am determined to channel what energy I have left into positivity. So after calling my nanni and elder sister, I found myself purchasing a single yoga pass. I have attended yoga classes before just out of pure curiosity. However, today I needed yoga more than anything.

We all experience a moment when bills triumph our pockets. Some of us struggle to keep up, some of us push it to the far back of our brain in hopes that it disappears - I myself tremble as I sit hunched over my computer. There has always been a soft spot in my core that makes me tense at the sight of numbers. I am aware that this is hilarious coming from a physics student (as I deal with numbers daily). But, there is a difference from bills and equations. A bill is like an unsilenced alarm clock mocking you every week of the month. 

Being the person I am, I felt embarrassed to express this to either of them. I have never been one to discuss financial issues as I would rather deal with it privately. That moment my sister expressed that it was important for me to use what I had spoken about, and apply it to my situation today. Although allowing the universe to take control meant something different than what I was willing to hear, I understood that sulking would do nothing. Nothing more than send me into a depressive state where every thing and every one would become intolerable.

A REACH FOR SANITY

In that moment I found myself doing what the older "A" would have done. Pick up my laptop, open my browser and write. Write it all down because it would relieve some of the bottled up stress. And I would become a little more myself than what I currently was. 

As a young adult, I have always been intrigued by the spiritual connection between two people. The spiritual connection between a human being, nature and something far prominent than what the eyes can see. When that spiritual connection begins to enervate - the body experiences withdrawal (which is why I believe we panic and launch ourselves into something new to fill the void). To bring reconnect myself to this spiritual outlet, I seen yoga as the perfect solution.

As stated before, I am not new to yoga. I have attended a small amount of sessions in the past. To sign up for another class spare of the moment had not seem like such a bad thing at all. So I sit here, on my mat, typing all of the things I am willing to give up:

clutter - anything that serves no value in my life

toxic relationships - people and things that do not have the same interest as I do in myself

overbearing job - that doesn't allow time to recuperate. Very demanding

fast food - lacks most nutrients my body needs

late nights - being sleep deprived has not led to anything constructive

therapist - if you cannot vent to friends or family, they shouldn't be there

materialism - there is no purpose to spend more than you need to

xoxo,

A