Secret Solace

You don't have to be a writer to experience pity. You don't have to be a writer to express yourself in such a way that those who once doubted you now regret. You don't have to be a writer to publicize your story, the one that has become the armor fitted specifically for your frame. 

These were the words I told myself a year ago when I thought of writing a memoire. According to someone I once held close to my heart, the words I wanted to express weren't good enough. My book would not make it in the market because it was too damning. Too depressing and overly religious. Thinking I was doing the right thing, I dragged that memoire to the trash bin, watching as my dreams would disappear along with whatever confidence I had.

Today, a year later, I wonder if she had read the book that would comfort many women like myself. Those who had an immense amount of doubt when it came to conquering their dreams. Those who spent their nights crying and worrying about how their bills would get paid-if becoming homeless was the only option left. For those who had so much hatred towards themselves, that dying felt more like heaven than hell.

The truth is, those words served as a solace in my life. A chance to explain the things I was most terrified of all at once, so that I wouldn't have to continuously tell my story. That memoire would become the flame to knock the chill off my bones, to reawaken my soul like a phoenix being reborn again. For once, in a very long time, I would leave everything behind. Because frankly, that book would set me free from all of my burdens and inspire other women to do so. There is no shame in unchaining yourself. There is no shame in speaking out against the ones who hurt you. There is no shame in firing back eloquently and gracefully. To be a writer is acknowledging the situations I have endured, and allowing those situations to guide my hands as I vigorously type. It's more than venting, it's reviving the girl within me who had no one to save her.

xoxo,

A.